The holidays are always a wonderful time of year for family  gatherings, reflection on what we have and the spirit of giving. The  television  is packed with specials showing relationships and families  coming together for  the holidays.
But the holidays can  also be a time of stress and sadness  for those who are caring for family  members that are struggling with  health problems, frailty, dementia and  loss. Those who care for these   individuals may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed or resentful as  they  watch “perfect” families enjoying the holidays.  There are many  surveys and documents that show that caregivers are  highly susceptible  to these feelings. If  you are a caregiver, there are measures you can  take to avoid this.
First; Remember, that you are not alone.
If you are new to caregiving or have been caring for  someone for a very long time,  remember that the perfect family on  television is not reality for many Americans. You are not the only one  with these challenges. A recent study by the National Alliance for  Caregiving and  AARP found that 44.4 million Americans age 18 or older  are providing unpaid care to an adult.   In fact according to  the  survey provided by the National Family Caregivers Association:
- The typical caregiver is a 46-year-old Baby Boomer  woman with some college education who works and spends more than 20  hours per week caring for her mother who lives nearby. 
 
- Female caregivers provide more hours of care and provide a higher level of care than male caregivers.
 
- Almost seven in ten 69%) caregivers say they help one person.
 
- The average length of caregiving is 4.3 years.
 
- Many caregivers fulfill multiple roles. Most  caregivers are married or living with a partner (62%), and most have  worked and managed caregiving responsibilities at the same time (74%).
 
Second; Find  help.
There are many resources available to a caregiver. Some of these include family members, friends, a local religious group, 
elder care  agencies and 
homecare providers. The  internet provides many great resources and help. The 
National Care Planning Council offers  many articles, brochures and local referrals to help caregivers find the help that  they need.
“When my husband’s stepfather was released from the  hospital in  December of 2009, he called us to give him a ride home.  Once he was home, we  quickly realized that he was not able to care for  himself at all. He lived alone and we found ourselves driving  back and  forth three or four times a day to assist all of his needs. It was  overwhelming and frightening to  suddenly become a caregiver to a man we  weren’t even that close to. With my husband working full time days, I   became his primary caregiver. I would  pack up my two little girls every  day to come with me to take him to the  doctor, do his laundry and feed  him his meals, do his grocery shopping and help  him with his bills. I  had no idea what  his finances were like or how to pay his medical  bills. He was too sick to care  or even understand what I was saying to  him.  I quickly realized I was going to have to find  help. First I  called his children. They were sympathetic, but gave all kinds of   excuses as to why they could not help.    Next, I went to the internet. I   went to the website for National Care Planning Council www.longtermcarelink.net  and found and contacted a Care planner in  my area. The Care Planner  came to my  stepfather’s house and met with the two of us.  They helped  me get organized and set up time to meet with someone to  explain his  Medicare services and what my next steps would be. It was such a relief  to have a plan and to  know what to do.” MH- Salt Lake City, Utah
Most family members are willing to help, but just don’t  know  what to do. Many caregivers feel that  they are the only one who  can give the best care. It is important to communicate with other   family members about what kind of help you need and let them know  specifically what  they can do.
A number of organizations and private companies will give   you advice and guidance -- many for free. If your care recipient has a  very low  income, you might get free help from your local 
Area Agency on Aging. A lot depends on available funds. Click here for a 
nationwide list of agencies.
A good source for professional advice is the rapidly  growing business of 
non-medical home care companies.  Most will offer free  consultations and  will provide paid aides to  help you with  your loved-one with such things as bathing, dressing,  shopping, household chores, transportation, companionship and much more.  These people may also help you  coordinate adult daycare or other  community services.
You may wish to pay for a formal assessment and care plan  from a 
professional geriatric care manager.  Even though it may cost  you a little money to hire a care manager,  this could be the best money you  will ever spend. Care managers are  valuable in helping find supporting  resources, providing respite,  saving money from care providers, finding money  to pay for care, making  arrangements with family or government providers and providing advice  on issues that you may be struggling with.
Lastly; it is  important to take care of yourself first in order to give effective and loving  care.
Stephen Covey tells a  story in his book 
The Seven Habits of  Highly Effective People about  a man who is sawing a tree. A woman approaches and asks the obviously   exhausted man how long he has been sawing the tree. He tells her that he  has been there for  hours.
She says “Well, I see that your saw is dull, if you would   just sharpen your saw you would be able to saw it much faster and with  less  effort.”
He replies, “I don’t have time to stop and sharpen my saw, I  need to chop this tree down now!” 
It seems pretty silly that the man just doesn’t stop for a   few minutes to make the work easier. It  is common for caregivers to do  the same thing. They focus on caring for their  loved one and run  themselves down instead of stopping to “sharpen their saw”.
Covey states that  “sharpening the saw” is to take care of  yourself by keeping your physical, mental,  emotional and spiritual self  balanced. There is joy and respite in balancing all of these areas in  our  life. This is what makes us efficient  and happy. Here are some  ways for you as a caregiver to sharpen your own saw:
- Maintain a positive attitude. Take time to be grateful  for everything that  is good in your life. There is always something.  Adjust your expectations for  the holiday season. If you aren’t   expecting that perfect holiday family picture, then you won’t be angry  and  frustrated that it isn’t something you have right now. It is always  possible to change your attitude  and perceptions, but it is not always  possible to change your circumstances.          
 
- Eat healthy food and be sure to get some  exercise. Do  this in small increments if it is too overwhelming to plan  menus. Drink  more water, cut down on  sugary snacks, pick up some vegetables and  fruit to grab.  Walk or do marching in place. Run or walk up and down  stairs if that is all  the time you have right now.
 
- Forgive and let go of frustrations, anger, resentment   and guilt. These are common feelings for  caregivers. The best thing a  caregiver  can do for their own emotional health is to clear out these  negative thoughts  and feelings. Get counseling, talk to a  friend or  family member or simply write down the negative feelings to get them   out of your system. Never take your anger  and frustrations out on those  you care for.
 
- Take time to do something you enjoy and give yourself a  little bit of rejuvenation everyday. Laughter is a great stress  reliever. Find something funny to read or get on the internet and find a  funny video  to watch.
 
- During the holidays, be easy on yourself. If you enjoy  holiday activities, then get out  there and do them. Ask someone to help   with your caregiving duties even if it is just for an hour or two to  shop or to  see a concert or movie. There are day  care facilities or  home care services available for short term care. See www.longtermcarelink.net for a  service in your area.
 
Being a “perfect” caregiver during the holidays does  not  have to look like the perfect on-screen holiday family. How you handle  your circumstance will be the  key to creating your own peace, happiness  and cheer during the holiday  season. The holidays can be a time of  reflection  on good things. Your attitude and a  little care for  yourself can make a big difference in the care that you give in  the  coming year.
Image Credit:
Image: Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
 Evan H. Farr on Google +